How should I respond if someone wants to Chat the Weird Out with me?
If someone brings up an issue with or about you, it’s natural to feel defensive and upset. It’s okay to have emotions, but they don’t have to control how you respond. Helpful responses are usually calmer, which requires learning to manage your triggers.
Take a breath and think
We can’t always control our initial emotions, but we can control how we respond. Before responding, take a moment to pause, even try counting to 10 in your head, so that you don’t blurt out something you’ll regret later. Remember, you can deal with your feelings later. Think about how you can respond thoughtfully first.
Responding in a thoughtful way
Start by apologising sincerely. Don’t just say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Admit your mistake and show empathy by saying things like “I’m sorry I made you feel this way, I shouldn’t have…” .
By showing compassion, it helps open the conversation to where you can ask for more details. Try to understand the other person’s perspective and ask what you can do to make things right. Is there something they would like you to do going forward to prevent the issue from happening again? What do they need from you to help address this issue? Responding thoughtfully shows that you care and want to improve your relationship. After the conversation, acknowledge that difficult conversations are just that – difficult. Thank the other person for their courage and raising the issue respectfully. Chatting the weird out, no matter what it is, will always be scary. But your reaction and kindness help make a difference in showing that it’s not always scary.
Think over the experience
After the conversation, take some time to reflect on what happened. Think about what happened, why it matters, and what you can do differently next time. By reflecting on your actions, you can learn and grow from the experience.
And if you’re unfamiliar with self-reflection, try the ‘What? So what? Now what?’ framework:
- What? – helps you to describe the experience of the situation. E.g., what is the problem? What feelings did this issue evoke in me and the other person?
- So What? – allows you to understand the implications of the situation. E.g., so, what was going through my mind during that conversation? So, what does this tell me about my attitude and behaviours?
- Now What? – ensures you have an action plan for future conversations and issues. E.g., now what do I need to do in the future to do better when someone is raising an issue with me?
Ultimately, be kind to yourself throughout the process. Difficult conversations are tough but handling them with compassion and understanding can lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved.