You are in a relationship! You might be enjoying your moments with this person, finding something meaningful in them, and they might see the same in you. You enjoy this person, and you like so many things about them until things go south. You may have been seeing some red flags for some time; you may not feel satisfied with the relationship, or something isn’t working out. Possibly, you’ve thought about breaking up with them.
We all know breaking up can feel weird, so, how do you Chat the Weird Out without it feeling too weird?
Let’s dissect this whole thought. First, consider the pros and cons. Consider the problems within the relationship and some solutions that will help you solve these problems. You may need to chat seriously with your partner and share your feelings. There might be opportunities to compromise, work it out, and find other solutions to help solve your challenges in the relationship. Inevitably, if these solutions don’t work out, then it’s probably time to end the relationship.
Breaking up with someone you love, like (or used to love or like), can be challenging and complicated. Regardless of why you’re breaking up, it’s just hard. Rather than avoiding those feelings, accepting them can be good. It is perfectly normal and humane to have emotions as you are about to end a relationship. But, it is also essential to look after your own wellbeing. Ensure you have had the time to process your thoughts, emotions, and perspectives on your relationship and your motivations to break up with your partner. Take the time to breathe.
Remember not to let your emotions prevent you from breaking up with your partner. Always reconsider whether ending the relationship is best for both of you, and avoid allowing strong, temporary emotions to influence a long-term decision.
When breaking up with your partner, ensure you’ve collected your feelings and are ready to break up calmly and peacefully. Inform your partner that you want to meet up with them and have a chat. The time and location of your breakup also play a role in the breakup process. Finding a time that works properly is important; have a think about your plans and whether you are happy with your plan going forward based on the current situation. For example, it might be wise to avoid doing it right before they start a big work presentation as they clearly won’t have the time to process it. Remember that the location also matters; you may want to break up in a more private area if you would like to avoid your soon-to-be-ex becoming uncomfortable in public; or you might want to break up with them out in the wild if you are not feeling 100% safe about it all.
The tone, wording, and overall approach to the breakup are important for both your partner and yourself. Try to state directly what you feel and share your feelings in the most honest and respectful way possible. You may want to talk about your feelings, and your thoughts on the relationship; on what worked and what did not. While sharing all your thoughts is not essential, it can be helpful for both you and your partner’s sense of closure to express what you believe matters at the moment. Emotions might arise, and that’s okay. Always remember to express what you want to say, but do so as nicely and respectfully as possible.
Allow your partner to digest what you have stated and to process what has occurred and be prepared for how they may react. They may respond in different ways, and that’s okay!
Finally, once you have finished your breakup, try to be as honest as possible about what you think the next best steps are for you. Let them know what you would like to see moving forward. Maybe you want to stay friends, or just cut off all contact for many reasons (or no reasons at all). Ensure you are clear about what you want to happen next to respect each other’s boundaries and expectations.
After that, it’s time to start moving on! Take this moment to heal and self-reflect. Work on yourself! If needed, reach out for help to support yourself after the breakup.
And in the future, if the need to break up rises again and that things start feeling too weird, you’ll know how to Chat the Weird Out.