Are you rejecting an invitation?
The beauty of life is that you get to meet new people wherever you go and make friends along the journey. Whether they’re short or long-term friendships, the best part is that you enjoy the time you spend with them.
Much of our life also includes going to work, studying at school, contemplating life decisions, taking showers, scrolling through TikTok, etc.. So when it comes to moments like your friend asking you to go clubbing with them, that is when we tend to realise just how busy our lives are.
If you must reject a friend’s invitation, and it feels slightly off saying “no”, don’t worry! We’ve got you covered so you’ll know how to Chat the Weird Out.
Thou shall Reject, or Thou shall not Reject
Some of us may be people pleasers, and it can be hard to say no. It may not always work if we have a full 9-5 schedule in our calendar and try to make time for them. Always prioritise your own time and your wellbeing.
Don’t hesitate and overthink rejecting the invitation. It could be as simple as saying, ‘Hey, I don’t have time to hang out.’ It’s not a whole email where you must start with Dear and Kind Regards. If you feel pressure to accept their invitation, you only place pressure on yourself. Take a step back and rethink what matters to you most; is it their time or your time?
What about my excuse for rejecting their invitation?
Often, the best way to tell someone an excuse is not by telling them an excuse. You can politely decline without needing to provide a full reason, and hopefully, they will understand your perspective, and the whole situation no longer feels too weird. But other times, they want to know why…
Option A: Tell the truth, for the truth will set you free. Telling them why you can’t or don’t want to hang out with them might be a good idea. You may have other plans, don’t like clubbing, or need time for yourself. When sharing the truth and what you genuinely feel, express nicely to show that you value their time and effort in inviting you.
But how do you honestly say no in a way that reduces the impact of your friendship? As said earlier, if you think your relationship can handle the blunt honesty, great! But otherwise, try out the “delay and respond” method, where you ask your mate for time to reflect on your schedule (and your needs); works like a charm! By letting the other person know that you might want to think about it to figure out your availability, you are making sure the rejection is not a harsh and direct “no” (but rather simply a delayed and soft “no”) and also gives you time to ensure the rejection to the invitation is not only affected by your current (potentially negative) mood but on a actual well-thought decision. What’s great about well-meaning open invitations is that you can always come back to them, as long as they stay open!
Option B: You didn’t like Option A, so you want to lie. You may need to lie as an excuse; for example, you have an ‘appointment’ with your doctor, or you have ‘other’ plans. You could take this path if you feel that being 100% truthful impacts the quality of your relationship. Look, no one’s judging, every relationship comes with their own differences and history, and if lying is the only viable option, do what you can for your friendship. However, it comes at a cost, as does everything with today’s economic inflation. Lying risks the friendship and your mutual trust cause conflict within friendships and even cause more problems than you intended.
What is most important is how much you value your friendship with them. Your feelings matter, but their feelings matter too. Choose the option that reflects how you would want to be treated. Imagine if you invited your friend. Would you want them to tell you the truth or the lie? Viewing it from their perspectives allows you to weigh your options, and by doing so, you can make the right choice.
Moving Forward
Once you have said what you’ve wanted to say…give yourself a pat on the back! You’ve managed to talk about your feelings and your response to a situation that probably felt awkward to you. But we’re not entirely done yet. Have a chat with your friend to communicate what happens next. Maybe you just needed to reschedule. You can always tell them if clubbing works or doesn’t work for you! Chat about boundaries and what is comfortable for yourself and your friend. That way, in the future, you both know what to do and build a stronger friendship.
Whenever rejecting an invitation, know that you and your friend also matter. Having these conversations makes you feel not too weird in a weird scenario.
By then, you’ll be glad to Chat the Weird Out.